The rescuer and the guardrail parent come from the same place — love that wants to protect. I watched, monitored, stepped in when necessary, and told them early I wasn't going to college with them so they'd better figure things out.
What I didn't anticipate was that they'd take me at my word and choose schools eight to ten hours away. That was their idea, not mine. Turns out the guardrails worked a little too well.
Our job as parents is to raise our children to become independent. When they do, it feels like an equal win and loss. But what a joy it is to watch them take the world by storm.
The idea that we can be cast into roles without ever agreeing to them feels especially powerful. Your reflection on rescuing, defending, and silently assigning meaning to other people’s actions gets at how easily relational patterns can become self-reinforcing when they go unnamed. I was especially struck by “You can’t audition out of it. You can only choose not to perform”; that carries real clarity around agency, restraint, and stepping outside reactive cycles. Grateful for the honesty and self-examination in how you explored this.
The rescuer and the guardrail parent come from the same place — love that wants to protect. I watched, monitored, stepped in when necessary, and told them early I wasn't going to college with them so they'd better figure things out.
What I didn't anticipate was that they'd take me at my word and choose schools eight to ten hours away. That was their idea, not mine. Turns out the guardrails worked a little too well.
Our job as parents is to raise our children to become independent. When they do, it feels like an equal win and loss. But what a joy it is to watch them take the world by storm.
Equal win and loss is exactly right. I just didn't expect the loss part to arrive the same day as the win.
I know 💔
I wrote about that loss in this article.
https://thepreferrededit.substack.com/p/the-grief-is-that-everything-went?r=e8p9r&utm_medium=ios
I love this worksheet. So helpful. I can definitely use this.
Yeah! I am so tired of drama. I am working on both not starting it (I can be really good at that) and learning how to take a hard turn out.
The idea that we can be cast into roles without ever agreeing to them feels especially powerful. Your reflection on rescuing, defending, and silently assigning meaning to other people’s actions gets at how easily relational patterns can become self-reinforcing when they go unnamed. I was especially struck by “You can’t audition out of it. You can only choose not to perform”; that carries real clarity around agency, restraint, and stepping outside reactive cycles. Grateful for the honesty and self-examination in how you explored this.