To quote you “It comes from loss. From the conversations that didn’t end well and can’t be redone. You earn it by saying too much, once, to someone who mattered, and watching what it costs.”
I have just such a situation where I’m hovering on the fence right now.
I’ve decided awareness and resolution aren’t mine to speak about.
I’m not a pit bull, but I’m definitely a terrier, so leaving it (with people I value) and not digging it up again is not my strength.
Judy Dippel, I appreciate how you sit right in the tension of that “hovering on the fence” space, especially in naming both awareness and restraint without trying to force resolution. The way you hold your own pattern with honesty, particularly around the pull to revisit and “dig it up again,” feels very human and very familiar to what discernment actually asks of us in real time. Grateful for the way you brought your own lived edge into the conversation.
As so many of your pieces do, this one seemed to speak directly to me. I am going to remember this one and learn from your wisdom. Thank you, L. My “last words” haven’t been so successful as I had thought when they’ve been spoken in the moment. I’ll do better next time…
The tension you trace between winning and knowing when to stop is held with a kind of lived precision that doesn’t flatten either side into virtue or regret. The way you connect boardroom discipline to personal relationships makes visible how skills that once served protection and success can become misaligned when intimacy is involved. I appreciate the clarity in naming discernment not as control, but as the decision to leave certain things incomplete even when completion feels familiar. Grateful for the honesty in how you hold both fierceness and restraint in the same life without trying to resolve the contradiction.
"Fierceness doesn't translate. Not to the people you love." I spent years in rooms where the point was to win the argument, close the deal, make sure every objection was answered. It worked. And then I'd take that same energy home and wonder why it landed differently. The boardroom taught me to finish every sentence.
It took a long time to learn that some of the most important things I ever said were the ones I decided not to say at all.
This is the most powerful sentence… the most important things I ever said were the ones I decided not to say at all. Thank you. That’s a lesson to be shared.
"Thinking aloud is responsible for much of mankind's misery"
I love how you landed on the discernment that just because you have a thought or something to say, doesn't mean it needs to be said.
I have a stutter and it's one of the blessings I've noticed. I can't speak all my thoughts into existence or else I'll stumble and putter my way across the sentence.
It's forced me to think more on the words said before I speak
That’s a great quote. Think about how much peace would be in the world if discernment arrived from the womb. Your ability to pause is a gift beyond measure.
Discernment!
To quote you “It comes from loss. From the conversations that didn’t end well and can’t be redone. You earn it by saying too much, once, to someone who mattered, and watching what it costs.”
I have just such a situation where I’m hovering on the fence right now.
I’ve decided awareness and resolution aren’t mine to speak about.
I’m not a pit bull, but I’m definitely a terrier, so leaving it (with people I value) and not digging it up again is not my strength.
Great article!
My pit bull and your terrier would be fast friends.
I think so… Might get into big trouble!
Judy Dippel, I appreciate how you sit right in the tension of that “hovering on the fence” space, especially in naming both awareness and restraint without trying to force resolution. The way you hold your own pattern with honesty, particularly around the pull to revisit and “dig it up again,” feels very human and very familiar to what discernment actually asks of us in real time. Grateful for the way you brought your own lived edge into the conversation.
Your response is so eloquent. You’re a thoughtful and beautiful writer. I am grateful you’re here.
Rev. Kevin, thank you for the encouraging confirmation.
Discernment has long been a faith priority in my life; now to apply it to people.
I love that discernment is a faith priority. I’ve never heard it spoken that way. Thank you for that.
I got a little giddy when I seen this pop up in my feed. This title is chefs kiss
I am going to remember this. Discernment. Although I pray for it, sometimes it doesn’t show up for me at the right time.
It will. A pause always helps. You will begin to see that sometimes it’s truly better to walk away.
As so many of your pieces do, this one seemed to speak directly to me. I am going to remember this one and learn from your wisdom. Thank you, L. My “last words” haven’t been so successful as I had thought when they’ve been spoken in the moment. I’ll do better next time…
Thank you. I am still learning from George. 🙏
He was an excellent teacher.❤️
The tension you trace between winning and knowing when to stop is held with a kind of lived precision that doesn’t flatten either side into virtue or regret. The way you connect boardroom discipline to personal relationships makes visible how skills that once served protection and success can become misaligned when intimacy is involved. I appreciate the clarity in naming discernment not as control, but as the decision to leave certain things incomplete even when completion feels familiar. Grateful for the honesty in how you hold both fierceness and restraint in the same life without trying to resolve the contradiction.
Your writing is beautiful. Thank you.
"Fierceness doesn't translate. Not to the people you love." I spent years in rooms where the point was to win the argument, close the deal, make sure every objection was answered. It worked. And then I'd take that same energy home and wonder why it landed differently. The boardroom taught me to finish every sentence.
It took a long time to learn that some of the most important things I ever said were the ones I decided not to say at all.
This is the most powerful sentence… the most important things I ever said were the ones I decided not to say at all. Thank you. That’s a lesson to be shared.
Took me longer than I'd like to admit — but yes. The unfinished sentence is sometimes the whole point.
This reminds me of a quote from Ben Franklin:
"Thinking aloud is responsible for much of mankind's misery"
I love how you landed on the discernment that just because you have a thought or something to say, doesn't mean it needs to be said.
I have a stutter and it's one of the blessings I've noticed. I can't speak all my thoughts into existence or else I'll stumble and putter my way across the sentence.
It's forced me to think more on the words said before I speak
That’s a great quote. Think about how much peace would be in the world if discernment arrived from the womb. Your ability to pause is a gift beyond measure.