The Quiet Math of Personal Freedom
A Recalibration Toward Ease
There is quiet math happening in life.
Behind the scenes.
Deep in the belly of our brains and often deep in our bodies, where a calculator is always running whether we realize it or not.
As if on autopilot, we begin doing the math.
Multiplying.
Dividing.
Adding.
Subtracting.
And probably a whole list of mathematical terms my brain learned and then released after the exam ended.
If you ever took one of my yoga classes, you may have heard me say this before. I used to thread it into the work on the mat and relate it to life off the mat. It was never just about how we move our bodies, but about what we carry with us once we step away.
This math applies to imperfectly perfecting our lives.
What can I start adding in?
What needs subtracting out?
What should be divided up or multiplied like crazy in order to create the life I actually want to live?
The beautiful thing is this.
You can clear the calculator at any moment.
And that is exactly what I did.
It does not have to start with something monumental, although in my case it did. I have since hit reset more times than I can count. Freedom, I have learned, is rarely a one-time decision.
Here is a short list of the choices that allowed me to reclaim a surprising amount of personal freedom.
Yoga & Pilates (Multiplied)
I have multiplied this exponentially.
Left to my own devices, I could hibernate beneath the warmth of my covers for half the day. If you have an Eight Sleep, you know that cocoon well. It feels like climbing onto a warm massage table and never wanting the experience to end.
Establishing a morning routine that holds me accountable to showing up propels me out of bed, whether I feel like it or not.
I do not always want to. This morning was one of those mornings. I cranked up the heat and stayed longer than I care to admit.
But I really do not want to pay cancellation fees. To the studios that implement them, bravo. You have saved me from myself more than once.
Running (Deleted)
Not only did I subtract this.
I fully deleted it.
I ran my tenth marathon in August in Sydney, Australia. I have not run a single mile since. Dave even promised in his wedding vows not to suggest I run another. My running career, from beginning to end, warrants its own post, and one I am working on delivering.
It was not that my body gave out.
I was done pushing myself.
Running served a profound purpose in my life for years. My Toledo running group felt like a moving therapy session. I love that crew dearly. When I moved to Florida, the drive faded. And when I crossed that final finish line, what I felt most was not pride.
It was relief.
In the months since, I have never felt better, both mentally and physically.
It was time.
Processed Foods (Subtracted)
A major subtraction.
I was battling inflammation from alternative sugars hidden in electrolytes, protein bars, and all the so-called healthy conveniences I relied on. I felt like a balloon ready to burst. Bloated, uncomfortable, and disconnected from my own body.
Today, my diet consists of whole, real food. I finally feel like myself again.
Gone are the days of quick and convenient meals.
And honestly, I do not miss them.
They have been replaced by fresh foods and the joy of home cooking.
An Anti-Depressant (Added)
This one may feel controversial. I hesitated before sharing it, but it felt important.
Taking a small dose of an anti-depressant was not a decision I made lightly. It is deeply personal, and one I do not judge or dishonor for others under any circumstances.
Grief is hard.
Change is hard.
This was not about taking the easy road. It was about support.
I needed it at the time. I am profoundly grateful to no longer be in the place where it is required.
I listened to my body, my instincts, and my doctor. All three are valuable resources. All three deserve a seat at the table when we are deciding how to care for ourselves.
There is strength in knowing when to ask for help.
There is also strength in knowing when you are ready to stand on your own again.
Personal Boundaries (Added and Subtracted)
Also controversial.
I added boundaries. In doing so, I subtracted people from my life who were creating friction at a time when I was intentionally choosing ease.
Again, I listened to my body. It keeps score. It always has. It is an extraordinary teacher if we are willing to pay attention.
If you feel contraction.
If you feel anxiety.
If your nervous system tightens before certain interactions.
It may be time to ask yourself a difficult but necessary question.
Is this relationship worth keeping as it is?
I did not storm out. I did not announce anything.
I gently inserted boundaries.
I quietly subtracted.
Not out of anger.
Out of self-respect.
Time divided is sometimes the best applied life math. It is about the intentional use of our most valuable resource, and one I am still learning to navigate in this new life.
Clearing the Calculator
At some point, I stopped asking what I should be doing and started asking what actually made me feel free.
Less pressure.
Less proving.
More listening.
The math did not resolve itself in one clean equation. It rarely does. What changed was my willingness to pause, clear the calculator, and begin again without shame for what I once needed and without fear of choosing differently now.
Nothing I added or subtracted was about perfection.
It was about honesty.
About paying attention to what expanded me and what quietly depleted me.
I was deeply depleted, and something needed to change.
It was about trusting my body, my instincts, and the information they were signaling, not as obstacles, but as guides.
If this resonates, consider this your invitation.
Clear the calculator.
Erase the old equations.
Question what you have been multiplying out of habit and what you have been subtracting out of fear.
You are allowed to recalculate.
As many times as you need.
That, I have learned, may be the truest form of personal freedom.
For paid subscribers, the next Edit goes deeper into what ease has replaced in my life, and what I am still learning to let go of.
Your newest math teacher,
This is excellent advice, Leslie. There’s no shame in clearing the calculator when necessary ❤️
YES!