The green dress example made this click for me. You saved one of the first options, but all the extra looking buried your own read on it. I do this with smaller things all the time, even picking a book or making weekend plans. Too much input starts to feel like being responsible, when it can really be a way to avoid hearing yourself. “Exposure starts masquerading as desire” is a sharp way to put it.
The big decisions of life I've made almost purely on intuition. When I have ignored it, I've paid a huge price. Professionally and personally. And after a while when I ignored the voice it stopped speaking to me. That was scary. It took a chat with a bestie (who looks stellar in green 💚!) for me to understand and articulate this. I am glad you're noticing. That means your soul whispers for more. David Brooks writes about this the best www.bit.ly/dbrooksmaclean or https://macleans.ca/education/university/david-brooks-to-have-a-fulfilling-life-you-have-to-make-promises/
the choosing yourself vs choosing for yourself distinction is such a good one, I hadn't thought about it that way before, that you can technically be choosing yourself but still letting everything else decide what that choice even is
also the dress story is so relatable, we've all scrolled ourselves into paralysis over something and then gone back to the first option we actually liked
I find I really have to pause before making choices. We live in a world of immediacy. Taking the reaction impulse away does help discern. But scrolling for answers is also not the answer. Truly stepping away and listening is the real edit.
Love this and I love your dress. Green is my favorite. This is such a fascinating observation though about agency and influence. Influence is something I recently talked about in one of my articles about how I never cared about soccer (and never watched the World Cup) until my son began taking photos for our local MLS team. Influence is good for this reason, but when it stops being something we discern, it can erode our identity. So insightful! Thank you.
Oh gosh the World Cup analogy is so relatable. I am currently being influenced by the US Open. It’s frightening how quickly we succumb to the unconscious shift to trend and populism. I am learning to exercise my discernment.
A couple weeks ago, I got reobsessed with babywearing even though my baby is a toddler now. And the my reel was all about mom of 3s and mom of 4s living their best babywearing life. I was addicted to the idea of carrying a little baby that my insta-addicted brain tried to convince me I wanted another baby. But I know I’m so so happy and fulfilled with my first one, I’m kinda done with kids. So I hear where you’re coming from about distinguishing between what you want and the what assumes you want because of the things you want.
It’s so crazy how quickly we can become influenced. I am learning how necessary the pause button really is when deciding what I actually want for myself.
I can very much relate to your example with the green dress. I recently was going to an Evanesence concert with a friend. I really only knew two of her songs, but why not. As the concert drew closer, I had to search the internet for what I should wear so I did not stick out like the suburban wife that I am. Why should I care? But alas I did.
The part about too many options also hit home. I wrote something recently about the Midnight Library where you have volumes of unlived lives available to you and I kept coming back to the same feeling you're describing here. Too many options do not clarify what you want. It drowns it.
I am slowly learning to edit out the noise. One of the biggest game changers has been using Superhuman to manage my email. I would get online to delete all the incoming “junk” and would end up down a rabbit hole of exploring the latest drops. Suddenly an hour would pass. Now all of that gets deleted before my squirrel brain hijacks my time. It’s the little things. Step by baby step at a time. I will reclaim myself!
This made me think about curiosity a little differently. Being open to possibilities is a good thing. Knowing which ones are actually yours may be the harder part.
The more I got into writing this article, the more I realized how easily I lose sight of what’s mine. It’s definitely causing me to slow down and pay a lot more attention in life.
The green dress example made this click for me. You saved one of the first options, but all the extra looking buried your own read on it. I do this with smaller things all the time, even picking a book or making weekend plans. Too much input starts to feel like being responsible, when it can really be a way to avoid hearing yourself. “Exposure starts masquerading as desire” is a sharp way to put it.
Thanks, Jeff. Glad to know I am not alone. I am on the road back to intuition and instinct.
The big decisions of life I've made almost purely on intuition. When I have ignored it, I've paid a huge price. Professionally and personally. And after a while when I ignored the voice it stopped speaking to me. That was scary. It took a chat with a bestie (who looks stellar in green 💚!) for me to understand and articulate this. I am glad you're noticing. That means your soul whispers for more. David Brooks writes about this the best www.bit.ly/dbrooksmaclean or https://macleans.ca/education/university/david-brooks-to-have-a-fulfilling-life-you-have-to-make-promises/
I love the notion that my soul whispers for more. I agree! I am really learning to tune out in order to tune in. 🙏
the choosing yourself vs choosing for yourself distinction is such a good one, I hadn't thought about it that way before, that you can technically be choosing yourself but still letting everything else decide what that choice even is
also the dress story is so relatable, we've all scrolled ourselves into paralysis over something and then gone back to the first option we actually liked
I find I really have to pause before making choices. We live in a world of immediacy. Taking the reaction impulse away does help discern. But scrolling for answers is also not the answer. Truly stepping away and listening is the real edit.
Love this and I love your dress. Green is my favorite. This is such a fascinating observation though about agency and influence. Influence is something I recently talked about in one of my articles about how I never cared about soccer (and never watched the World Cup) until my son began taking photos for our local MLS team. Influence is good for this reason, but when it stops being something we discern, it can erode our identity. So insightful! Thank you.
Oh gosh the World Cup analogy is so relatable. I am currently being influenced by the US Open. It’s frightening how quickly we succumb to the unconscious shift to trend and populism. I am learning to exercise my discernment.
Come to say hello and I think I find another likeminded friend. 😜
Welcome! Love to have another friend here!
A couple weeks ago, I got reobsessed with babywearing even though my baby is a toddler now. And the my reel was all about mom of 3s and mom of 4s living their best babywearing life. I was addicted to the idea of carrying a little baby that my insta-addicted brain tried to convince me I wanted another baby. But I know I’m so so happy and fulfilled with my first one, I’m kinda done with kids. So I hear where you’re coming from about distinguishing between what you want and the what assumes you want because of the things you want.
It’s so crazy how quickly we can become influenced. I am learning how necessary the pause button really is when deciding what I actually want for myself.
This is one of my favorite posts of yours to date. Wise words from a wise woman.
Wow! Thank you. That means a lot coming from an equally wise soul.
I can very much relate to your example with the green dress. I recently was going to an Evanesence concert with a friend. I really only knew two of her songs, but why not. As the concert drew closer, I had to search the internet for what I should wear so I did not stick out like the suburban wife that I am. Why should I care? But alas I did.
The part about too many options also hit home. I wrote something recently about the Midnight Library where you have volumes of unlived lives available to you and I kept coming back to the same feeling you're describing here. Too many options do not clarify what you want. It drowns it.
I am slowly learning to edit out the noise. One of the biggest game changers has been using Superhuman to manage my email. I would get online to delete all the incoming “junk” and would end up down a rabbit hole of exploring the latest drops. Suddenly an hour would pass. Now all of that gets deleted before my squirrel brain hijacks my time. It’s the little things. Step by baby step at a time. I will reclaim myself!
This made me think about curiosity a little differently. Being open to possibilities is a good thing. Knowing which ones are actually yours may be the harder part.
The more I got into writing this article, the more I realized how easily I lose sight of what’s mine. It’s definitely causing me to slow down and pay a lot more attention in life.