Of all the Eight Pillars of Joy, humility might be one of the hardest for me to write about.

As I read and reread this chapter of The Book of Joy, I found myself struggling to figure out exactly what I wanted to share. (If you’re just beginning this series, you can find the introduction here.)

After all, how do you write about being humble without sounding as though you’re claiming to be humble?

One line in particular stood out to me.

“Humility is not something that one can claim to have.”

I kept coming back to it.

A few weeks ago, I attended a weeklong personal development program with 40 people.

One of the commitments we each made before arriving was not to share what we did professionally. When we arrived, we reiterated that commitment. We also had no technology (the digital detox was part of the program), so there was no way to cheat, if you will.

For an entire week, I got to know 40 complete strangers without any association with what they did or where they worked.

Think about how quickly “So, what do you do?” comes up when you meet someone new. For an entire week, nobody could ask it.

Without those labels or identities, there were no preconceived notions about someone’s success, status, education, or accomplishments. It certainly stripped away ego, but it also stripped away performance. No one felt the need to live into a character.

There were simply 40 human beings getting to know one another. And it was such a gift.

At the end of the week, during one of our final sessions, we were finally invited to share what we did professionally. It was so much fun to hear from everyone, and the level of excitement was electric.

People were cheering, hollering, and applauding one another.

When the seemingly quiet mother of young teenage kids shared that she was a top executive for a household brand we all know well, I can assure you there was nearly a standing ovation. She was a corporate badass in disguise.

But here’s the thing. None of that mattered. I knew her for who she was as a human being, not for her title or role.

What made that moment so special was that we were celebrating people we’d already come to know, admire, and care about. Their accomplishments were simply something new we learned about them. They didn’t change how we felt about one another.

And I wonder how different our first impressions of each other might have been had we known all those details from the beginning.

I haven’t stopped thinking about that experience.

It also clarified something for me about the difference between humility and modesty. While modesty is about restraint, humility is about perspective. Humility isn’t about denying our accomplishments, downplaying our strengths, or even pretending not to have them at all.

We can be confident and humble at the same time.

In fact, I think there’s an enormous amount of strength in being humble. When we’re comfortable with who we are, we don’t need to constantly prove ourselves to others.

And perhaps more importantly, we don’t need to compare ourselves to them either.

How often do we allow someone’s title, accomplishments, social media following, or position influence how we perceive them?

And how often do we allow those same things to shape how we see ourselves? That’s not always an easy question to reckon with.

In The Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu explain that humility comes from understanding our place in the world.

Humility asks us to put aside our ego, listen, remain curious, and recognize that everyone has something valuable to offer and perhaps a different perspective to share.

So what does humility have to do with joy?

I think my experience with those 40 strangers answered that question for me.

When we stop measuring ourselves against one another, we create room for genuine connection. That’s what I felt, and that’s why this amazing group of people continues to be a part of my life.

We didn’t just say goodbye at the end of the week. We formed friendships that have kept my WhatsApp firing off countless messages each day. When I look at my phone and see the notifications pop up, nothing brings me more joy.

Maybe that’s what’s worth contemplating.

Can you celebrate someone else’s success without feeling diminished by it? Can you recognize another person’s greatness without questioning your own? Can you explore someone else’s perspective without the need to challenge them with your own?

Perhaps being able to do so allows us to see each other as equals. To think a little less about ourselves and a little more about others.

I can’t claim to be humble. But I certainly hope it’s something others see in me.

Always EDITing,
Leslie

P.S. Next week: Humor. After confessing that I stopped being fun, I suspect this one is going to hit close to home.

As always, I am excited to read your thoughts. Drop a comment.

The Preferred Edit

What If No One Knew What You Did for a…