Thanks for your post. ✉️ You’ve inspired me to share what I wrote in my little digital journal yesterday about this very topic…
“It’s changing me.
The simple process of talking about the truth of my life each week publicly on Substack is having the net effect of inner growth.”
It is a balancing act and I am amazed at the strength it builds in character simply by going through the process, committing to being consistent and looking straight ahead no matter what anyone says or thinks.
My hats 🎩 off to you! Here’s to the future of writing and the wonderful places we’ll go from here! 💐
Thank you! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate reading your comment. AND I absolutely love your perspective. It does build character. Sometimes it’s an extra layer of Teflon, and other times it’s that little bit of confidence that has me saying, I am a badass. Either way, I committed, and I’m even more delighted to share it with people like you.
Thank you for giving me that extra pep in my step today. Cheers to many more articles.
Having spent a fair few years online, sharing timelines of life, often intimately, I feel this juxtaposition a lot. As privacy maybe imposes falsely as dismissal to our experiences and in gorging on facts, there’s a risk of dragging ourselves back to previous pits of horror and expecting our readers to participate.
Your words on discipline encourage a maturity to the dialogue whilst granting ourselves a little grace to feel around for our true voice. My internal critic can be pushy but I always try to fall upon a thought of: ‘am I reading something which I would’ve needed at the time of experiencing it?’
Wow. Thank you for your thought provoking comment. The “previous pits of horror” comment made me laugh. So true! I am glad the algorithm found you and am grateful for your words and restack. I look forward to reading your work. Best, Leslie
it becomes a point where do I need the $400 more than I need my pride? I'll take the $400. The New York Times pays $1,200. that's enough to make it worth it to me to expose special ed, my father's death, my body image issues. etc. who cares? I'm going to be gone soon ❤️
I appreciate the candor in this. There’s something refreshing about admitting there’s a calculation involved. And for the record, I hope you’re not going anywhere anytime soon. 🙏
Thank you so much for this article. I've definitely been struggling with how to share about my experiences without over exposing the people who were directly involved. For example, I'm untangling patterns of being the only child of a narcissistic mother. How do I write about my experience in a vivid way without sharing details that aren't mine to share? (you don't have to answer that, just a question I'm sitting with that your article is helping me think through). Thank you!
Yes, at this point, holding back does feel like giving others power. I’ve been acommodating and understanding and probably even enabling for far too many years. It’s time to start prioritizing my own needs and getting my own support. And connecting through writing and hearing that others can relate feels very supportive! Thanks for letting me know you understand.
Leslie, this is the tightrope of personal writing in a nutshell. Our lives are our richest source material, but inconveniently they’re populated by other people. 😂 I especially love the idea that we can write about the mark an experience left without displaying every fingerprint that made it. That feels less like withholding and more like knowing what the story actually belongs to. X
I love your choice of words, “populated by other people.” Yes, it’s hard to escape that part of the human experience. We’d likely have nothing to write about without our perspectives on and relationships with others. It’s a tightrope we will all continue to walk, written or spoken. Cheers to figuring out how to do it with grace and a well-chosen word or two.
There's a learning curve for everyone. I certainly had my own. Keep going. You'll find your rhythm. And there is always the ability to edit where needed!
I'm working on writing memories from childhood, and it's reakly hard to write about my parents without envisioning them reading it. I may just have to tell them not too. Or just write it as if no one will read it for now. It's separate from my Substack projects. More of an Augusten Burroughs style of personal essays. Thanks for the read.
Consider that they may actually be grateful to read your essays. My dad is my number one fan (aside from my husband, who graciously restacks all my work, so when you see the restack, you’ll now know why 😂).
There are parts that could feel sticky for my dad to read. He never says otherwise and is always expressing how proud he is of me.
This reminds me of myself when I had to write a personal essay for one of my university psychology classes. Sounds as if your parents are still alive as mine were at the time I was writing that paper and when I started reading it in class as part of the assignment, I found myself stumbling over parts where I genuinely realized I was glossing over the facts. It was a minor epiphany or “aha moment.”
⭐️ —> Try writing as if they are already deceased. Does that change anything for you? Then go back and edit for either kindness or honesty. As a writer you should feel free to put forward whatever voice seems to be your most authentic one. Good luck, you’ve got this! 🍀
Such an interesting exercise, especially the distinction between kindness and honesty. I think that’s exactly where writing personal essays gets complicated. We can be completely honest about our own experience while still making conscious choices about what belongs on the page and what doesn’t. For me, that discernment is becoming as much a part of the writing as the writing itself. Thank you for adding this perspective. ❤️
“Am I writing from reflection or reaction?” This may be the question that stayed with me most. Journaling gives me a place where reaction is allowed to exist exactly as it arrives: messy, emotional, contradictory, sometimes unfair.. It doesn’t need an audience.. But if something from those pages eventually becomes something I want to share, distance changes the question. It is no longer only “What happened to me?” but “What did this leave behind, and is there something here that belongs beyond the journal?” I love your distinction between writing about the mark and revealing the fingerprint.. We can tell the truth about what an experience changed in us without necessarily giving the world every detail of how it got there..
Exactly! I frequently have to remind myself that when we remove some of the detail, we also leave the reader curiously wanting to know more. Sometimes that alone is what has me hitting Subscribe. Like a carrot dangling…human nature doesn’t particularly like not knowing. And if that curiosity leads to conversion, it’s a win-win for everyone.
That's an interesting thought. I write about my daughter’s addiction. I have her permission, but I've changed her and her partner's names and most of it is behind a paywall. She told me she wants people to know how people fall into and struggle with addiction and recovery. That is one of the reasons I write. But it is a dance. I shared something on Threads about her dumping a bag of fentanyl pipes in the trash after she came home pregnant and was weaning off the drug. She asked me to video it and said i could share it. I got nearly 1,000 comments and there were some pretty brutal accusations that I was posting for clicks and exposing her. But people write books about their addiction and recovery. Anyway, this is something I've really struggled with. I don't want to profit from her addiction. But there are so many hurting families out there that need support and a shoulder when their own child is struggling. And there are so many misconceptions that need to be challenged.
I do want to commend you on growing so quickly. I've been here for 2 1/2 years and just hit over 400 subscribers. I likely would be farther ahead but I couldn't post as often after she had her baby. Now I'm raising him, so I write while he's napping. But I'm so thankful for this community. So supportive!
Going to check out more of your work to see if I can see that 'balance'. My condolences on losing your husband.
Rosemary, I am just realizing that I didn't hit send on my response to you. My apologies. You have got an incredible story to share. So many people can learn and grow through your words, perspective and experience. I am glad you and your daughter are both open to sharing. I look forward to reading your work.
As for growth, Substack definitely rewards presence on the platform. I am returning after a week away and even 7 days off was noticeable. Post as you can, you will grow. It is the kindest corner of the internet and incredibly supportive.
Wishing you a beautiful weekend with your grandson. What a gift.
The title resonated with me because I struggle with this every time I write, I want to be honest and share but I also want a level of privacy. The checklist here is a useful gauge and I'm already thinking of edits I need to make in several draft essays
Thank you for sharing, Leslie. You describe something I’m constantly grappling with: what is too much when sometimes you can’t believe what’s happened to you? I wrote a small piece about my parents divorce and while it’s my story I also acknowledge it’s theirs and I’m not necessarily here to air their dirty laundry. I appreciate you placing a fine point on the guideposts. I will surely be using them!
Matt, thanks for your patience with my response. I was in a program last week that required a full digital detox, and I’m finally back online.
You’ve raised a really good question. So good, in fact, that my response is turning into an entirely new article!
I’m curious, when you say constructive feedback, are you looking for ways to improve your writing or ways to create more meaningful conversations around what you’ve written?
I think there’s a distinction, and it's one I want to explore.
I suppose it's both. I had in mind the former when asking the question -- ways to improve my writing. Although ultimately my desire is to foster meaningful conversations in the comments and beyond.
It’s the “people I know IRL might see this” factor that kept me from moving forward with Substack for the past year. I finally did move forward, but the anxiety is still there.
There is a bit of "thick skin required" at times. I have found that Substack is the kindest corner of the web. Push through the anxiety. It's worth it. And remember, you're not alone. I feel it too.
I really struggle with this. I re-wrote my first article so many times trying to figure out if I was sharing too much. I finally just decided to be honest about what happened. Moving forward I want to be more conscious of how much I am sharing though. This is a helpful way to think about it, thank you for sharing!
Sorry for the delayed response. I've been busy getting ready for a technology detox week ahead. Crazy, I know. Getting ready for it has made me realize just how dependent I am. More to come on that for sure.
I am glad this found you. So many of us struggle with it. You're not alone. Thank you for sharing. I am glad you're here.
Thanks for your post. ✉️ You’ve inspired me to share what I wrote in my little digital journal yesterday about this very topic…
“It’s changing me.
The simple process of talking about the truth of my life each week publicly on Substack is having the net effect of inner growth.”
It is a balancing act and I am amazed at the strength it builds in character simply by going through the process, committing to being consistent and looking straight ahead no matter what anyone says or thinks.
My hats 🎩 off to you! Here’s to the future of writing and the wonderful places we’ll go from here! 💐
Thank you! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate reading your comment. AND I absolutely love your perspective. It does build character. Sometimes it’s an extra layer of Teflon, and other times it’s that little bit of confidence that has me saying, I am a badass. Either way, I committed, and I’m even more delighted to share it with people like you.
Thank you for giving me that extra pep in my step today. Cheers to many more articles.
✨Exactly! 🤗 Thank you and amen 🙏❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥🙌
Having spent a fair few years online, sharing timelines of life, often intimately, I feel this juxtaposition a lot. As privacy maybe imposes falsely as dismissal to our experiences and in gorging on facts, there’s a risk of dragging ourselves back to previous pits of horror and expecting our readers to participate.
Your words on discipline encourage a maturity to the dialogue whilst granting ourselves a little grace to feel around for our true voice. My internal critic can be pushy but I always try to fall upon a thought of: ‘am I reading something which I would’ve needed at the time of experiencing it?’
I found this at a poignant moment, thank you.
Wow. Thank you for your thought provoking comment. The “previous pits of horror” comment made me laugh. So true! I am glad the algorithm found you and am grateful for your words and restack. I look forward to reading your work. Best, Leslie
I'm here for the title alone. What a wicked title!
Thank you! 🙏
Yep! 👍 I like it too, @Taylin John Simmonds
Hey, thanks! I appreciate you both!
I’m overexposing my world, his world, her world, their world, OUR world. I’m going to ignore this
This made me laugh! Carry on my fearless writer! I’ll be following along.
it becomes a point where do I need the $400 more than I need my pride? I'll take the $400. The New York Times pays $1,200. that's enough to make it worth it to me to expose special ed, my father's death, my body image issues. etc. who cares? I'm going to be gone soon ❤️
I appreciate the candor in this. There’s something refreshing about admitting there’s a calculation involved. And for the record, I hope you’re not going anywhere anytime soon. 🙏
I am just about out of gas
I don’t know that means but my response is no no no no no. I just found your bio. You’ve got so much to share!
Bless you my dear friend I need a place to live I've been looking for over a year bouncing from here to there and everywhere 🙏
Thank you so much for this article. I've definitely been struggling with how to share about my experiences without over exposing the people who were directly involved. For example, I'm untangling patterns of being the only child of a narcissistic mother. How do I write about my experience in a vivid way without sharing details that aren't mine to share? (you don't have to answer that, just a question I'm sitting with that your article is helping me think through). Thank you!
I know that struggle well. I work to untangle my story one sentence at a time.
I hold onto the notion that if my words can help support another person, then it’s worth the mental math to figure out how to share them.
Holding back feels like giving others the power.
So I will continue, word by word.
Thank you for sharing. There is power in knowing we are not alone in this struggle.
Yes, at this point, holding back does feel like giving others power. I’ve been acommodating and understanding and probably even enabling for far too many years. It’s time to start prioritizing my own needs and getting my own support. And connecting through writing and hearing that others can relate feels very supportive! Thanks for letting me know you understand.
I can’t wait to read your work!
🤗
Leslie, this is the tightrope of personal writing in a nutshell. Our lives are our richest source material, but inconveniently they’re populated by other people. 😂 I especially love the idea that we can write about the mark an experience left without displaying every fingerprint that made it. That feels less like withholding and more like knowing what the story actually belongs to. X
I love your choice of words, “populated by other people.” Yes, it’s hard to escape that part of the human experience. We’d likely have nothing to write about without our perspectives on and relationships with others. It’s a tightrope we will all continue to walk, written or spoken. Cheers to figuring out how to do it with grace and a well-chosen word or two.
Well… I guess it too late now. I believe my last two articles posted here definitely overexposed my world. 🙈 Thanks for the guidance.
There's a learning curve for everyone. I certainly had my own. Keep going. You'll find your rhythm. And there is always the ability to edit where needed!
I'm working on writing memories from childhood, and it's reakly hard to write about my parents without envisioning them reading it. I may just have to tell them not too. Or just write it as if no one will read it for now. It's separate from my Substack projects. More of an Augusten Burroughs style of personal essays. Thanks for the read.
Consider that they may actually be grateful to read your essays. My dad is my number one fan (aside from my husband, who graciously restacks all my work, so when you see the restack, you’ll now know why 😂).
There are parts that could feel sticky for my dad to read. He never says otherwise and is always expressing how proud he is of me.
That’s worth it all.
This reminds me of myself when I had to write a personal essay for one of my university psychology classes. Sounds as if your parents are still alive as mine were at the time I was writing that paper and when I started reading it in class as part of the assignment, I found myself stumbling over parts where I genuinely realized I was glossing over the facts. It was a minor epiphany or “aha moment.”
⭐️ —> Try writing as if they are already deceased. Does that change anything for you? Then go back and edit for either kindness or honesty. As a writer you should feel free to put forward whatever voice seems to be your most authentic one. Good luck, you’ve got this! 🍀
Such an interesting exercise, especially the distinction between kindness and honesty. I think that’s exactly where writing personal essays gets complicated. We can be completely honest about our own experience while still making conscious choices about what belongs on the page and what doesn’t. For me, that discernment is becoming as much a part of the writing as the writing itself. Thank you for adding this perspective. ❤️
Thanks for the tip!
Oh! And I got my first unsubscribe. Fuck em! XD
Ha! Yes sayonara!
“Am I writing from reflection or reaction?” This may be the question that stayed with me most. Journaling gives me a place where reaction is allowed to exist exactly as it arrives: messy, emotional, contradictory, sometimes unfair.. It doesn’t need an audience.. But if something from those pages eventually becomes something I want to share, distance changes the question. It is no longer only “What happened to me?” but “What did this leave behind, and is there something here that belongs beyond the journal?” I love your distinction between writing about the mark and revealing the fingerprint.. We can tell the truth about what an experience changed in us without necessarily giving the world every detail of how it got there..
Exactly! I frequently have to remind myself that when we remove some of the detail, we also leave the reader curiously wanting to know more. Sometimes that alone is what has me hitting Subscribe. Like a carrot dangling…human nature doesn’t particularly like not knowing. And if that curiosity leads to conversion, it’s a win-win for everyone.
That's an interesting thought. I write about my daughter’s addiction. I have her permission, but I've changed her and her partner's names and most of it is behind a paywall. She told me she wants people to know how people fall into and struggle with addiction and recovery. That is one of the reasons I write. But it is a dance. I shared something on Threads about her dumping a bag of fentanyl pipes in the trash after she came home pregnant and was weaning off the drug. She asked me to video it and said i could share it. I got nearly 1,000 comments and there were some pretty brutal accusations that I was posting for clicks and exposing her. But people write books about their addiction and recovery. Anyway, this is something I've really struggled with. I don't want to profit from her addiction. But there are so many hurting families out there that need support and a shoulder when their own child is struggling. And there are so many misconceptions that need to be challenged.
I do want to commend you on growing so quickly. I've been here for 2 1/2 years and just hit over 400 subscribers. I likely would be farther ahead but I couldn't post as often after she had her baby. Now I'm raising him, so I write while he's napping. But I'm so thankful for this community. So supportive!
Going to check out more of your work to see if I can see that 'balance'. My condolences on losing your husband.
Rosemary, I am just realizing that I didn't hit send on my response to you. My apologies. You have got an incredible story to share. So many people can learn and grow through your words, perspective and experience. I am glad you and your daughter are both open to sharing. I look forward to reading your work.
As for growth, Substack definitely rewards presence on the platform. I am returning after a week away and even 7 days off was noticeable. Post as you can, you will grow. It is the kindest corner of the internet and incredibly supportive.
Wishing you a beautiful weekend with your grandson. What a gift.
Thank you for your kind reply and encouraging words!
The title resonated with me because I struggle with this every time I write, I want to be honest and share but I also want a level of privacy. The checklist here is a useful gauge and I'm already thinking of edits I need to make in several draft essays
I am glad the article found its way to you and you found it helpful. Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to me! I look forward to reading your work.
Thank you for sharing, Leslie. You describe something I’m constantly grappling with: what is too much when sometimes you can’t believe what’s happened to you? I wrote a small piece about my parents divorce and while it’s my story I also acknowledge it’s theirs and I’m not necessarily here to air their dirty laundry. I appreciate you placing a fine point on the guideposts. I will surely be using them!
I hope you find them helpful. I think about how not to write about things just as much as I think how to write about them. The struggle is real.
Thanks, Leslie. Those guideposts are helpful. Do you have any suggestions on eliciting constructive feedback in the comments section?
Matt, thanks for your patience with my response. I was in a program last week that required a full digital detox, and I’m finally back online.
You’ve raised a really good question. So good, in fact, that my response is turning into an entirely new article!
I’m curious, when you say constructive feedback, are you looking for ways to improve your writing or ways to create more meaningful conversations around what you’ve written?
I think there’s a distinction, and it's one I want to explore.
Forgot to say, thanks for responding and I will certain read the follow up article. Let me know when it’s available.
I suppose it's both. I had in mind the former when asking the question -- ways to improve my writing. Although ultimately my desire is to foster meaningful conversations in the comments and beyond.
It’s the “people I know IRL might see this” factor that kept me from moving forward with Substack for the past year. I finally did move forward, but the anxiety is still there.
There is a bit of "thick skin required" at times. I have found that Substack is the kindest corner of the web. Push through the anxiety. It's worth it. And remember, you're not alone. I feel it too.
https://kashfyahsan.substack.com/p/how-to-end-something-you-love?r=jcn3y&utm_medium=ios
This is a beautiful article. Thank you for sharing.
I really struggle with this. I re-wrote my first article so many times trying to figure out if I was sharing too much. I finally just decided to be honest about what happened. Moving forward I want to be more conscious of how much I am sharing though. This is a helpful way to think about it, thank you for sharing!
Sorry for the delayed response. I've been busy getting ready for a technology detox week ahead. Crazy, I know. Getting ready for it has made me realize just how dependent I am. More to come on that for sure.
I am glad this found you. So many of us struggle with it. You're not alone. Thank you for sharing. I am glad you're here.
Glad to be here 🙏🏼 a digital detox is an amazing idea! I need that 😅
It was INCREDIBLE. I want another one already. LOL!